Day 21

I woke up this morning for our 7:00am Spanish class feeling like death. I struggled to keep my head up for the first hour. We had a quick breakfast at 8:00am, and watermelon was all I could handle (and not much, at that!). I felt so dizzy, and I had a throbbing headache (and I am never one to get headaches!). I was having chills (the goosebumps that hurt!), and then I would sweat profusely, feeling way too hot. Plus, every part of my body hurt. I knew I was sick. I made it through another hour of Spanish before being sent back to bed by one of the coordinators. I don't even remember going back to bed...the next thing I knew, it was about 3 hours later. I felt a million times better, and remembered that I had taken Tylenol after breakfast. I felt good for a few hours, before the Tylenol started to wear off again. I felt terrible. And I still do. I just can't shake these chills (between the sweats, that is). I would love a hot bath or shower (or even a shower at all!), but there is no running water, let alone hot water. I would love the comfort of home - a homemade bowl of soup, cup of tea, or a backrub, just before climbing into a warm bed (miss you, Mom!).

But, I am thousands of miles from home (3217 miles, to be exact!). And I need to look after myself, and make sure I'm healthy! I climbed back into bed, and just tried to sleep. I've been trying to drink lots of fluids, and just take my mind off of things. I need to get better. I spent a lot of time reflecting today, just listening to the rain and thinking about my trip thus far. I thought about all that I've learned, and how much is yet to come. Jody leaves tomorrow morning. She's been here since April 2. This, of course, has provoked thought also. I thought about where I hope to be the day before I leave here. It made me rethink my goals and hopes, as well as the purpose of my being here. Am I still on track in terms of contributing in the ways I had hoped to? It just helped to reevaluate where I'm at, especially considering that I'll have been here 3 weeks tomorrow! It feels like the time has just flown by, already. It seems crazy to think that as of yesterday, I've been out of school for one month.

The rain is starting to get to all of us, I think. We've been cooped up in this house for 2 full days, and the town is deserted due to the poor weather. We were supposed to hike Mombatcho Volcano this weekend, but unless the rain stops tonight or tomorrow, there is no way we will be able to. Plus, the forecast says the rain will stay until Tuesday.

I guess we'll see what happens! That's the Nica way of life though...just go with the flow!

It's harder to adapt to that than anything else here, I find. I'm so used to schedules and plans, having too many things on my plate all at once, and always having somewhere to go, or something to do. And of course, that's how I like it! I think that I'm actually somewhat going through "busy life withdrawals"! And while I was laying in bed earlier today, semi-trying to fall asleep, semi-reflecting on life, I realized that it was probably the most time I'd ever had alone with my thoughts all year. I was constantly surrounded by people this year, at school or in residence - and I loved it! But today just made me think about the importance of quieting the mind. When you're alone, it's like you're forced to dig deep down and think about things you just don't think about when you're distracted by the joys of friends and family. (Which has a lot to do with why I chose to live alone next year...). I feel that this is just the beginning of a long journey of self-awareness, and as scared as I am of being lonely, I feel this is a journey I need to embark on, regardless of the struggles.